30 posts tagged “black and white”

Tuesdays things:
-negative-
*I have bunches of housework and no energy
*cold gray weather
*feeling overwhelmed
*I think my cat scratch on my cuticle is getting infected
*my nose is getting stopped up
*my ears are ringing
*throat is scratchy
*sleeping is not easy

+positive+
*I may be sick, but it is not terrible, no fever, aches, etc
*my camera bag should be coming in the mail today
*there is a nice warm fire burning in the wood stove
*the yard looks pretty when it is frozen
*hot coffee to be followed by hot chocolate
*I have enough housework done to keep up on the progress of last week
*I have so many pictures edited and ready to upload
*I have been sketching so many new ideas for scenes to photograph
*big hugs from Mr. L before he leaves for work.

1.flannel sheets fresh from the dryer, makes it hard to make the bed without climbing in
2. the way Ruby feels in my hands and the pull on my neck from her strap, out on a photowalk looking for beauty in everything
3. black and white photography, I love the ones that are mostly dark, I have not been able to shoot for black and white yet, I will make that a lesson this winter, because when everything is all shades of gray anyway, it is the perfect time to look at things in a dark and light sort of way
4. my bird feeders full of swarming tiny birds and my cat making those chatter jaw noises from the top of the cat tree
5. feeling very crafty lately, I like making little brooch thingies with vintage buttons
6. the smell of my house right now, I made lemongrass soap, I call it Polly's Poppy seed soap after my Granny who passed last year. It was her favorite soap and she gave me an old spice jar with poppy seeds in it for the soap. I mixed that small jar into my giant costco sized container. I like the sound it makes when I shake it.
7. hot coffee, that always has to make the list.
8. the carrot soup I made yesterday. It took almost three hours to make, but it was delicious!
9. a list of stuff to get at the craft store, I love the craft store!
10. I have bags of sorted buttons, the sound of them rubbing against each other is nice. I like the colors, the size, the designs, each one telling me humble stories of the past. A giant vulcanized rubber black button, bigger than a silver dollar,  with an anchor carved into it. The bottom half of the design has been rubbed away. What sailor wore this? what did he do that would make this wear mark on the button?
11. husband brought home a bonus check yesterday. Another bit of money to squirrel away for potential hard times. I don't want to waste that bit of money now and have him lose his job and wished I had it for a meal later.
12. baby sister coming by last night and showing me her new vintage clothing purchases. The bug has bit her. There is something about vintage clothes, they have a richness to them. They are different than anything you can find at the department store. They are unique and fun.
13. oversized sweatshirts and sweatpants, tall socks and slippers, tank tops and t-shirts under the sweatshirt. SO COZY!!!


My to do list today:
1. put laundry away from yesterday
2. put the washer stuff in dryer
3. clean kitchen up! I need more space in there!
4. make some more soap today

12.  

Compliment of the day:
Lavender, I am proud of you not being disappointed in yourself while practicing yoga and keeping a positive attitude about it all.
Thank you Me, I am trying to incorporate that into other parts of my life.

I am deceptive, I am tall and thinnish. People have always thought I was athletic. This could not be further than the truth. I get winded while walking up a flight of stairs (I can hear that gasp Heartshapedsky! ;P) I am not coordinated enough to walk side by side with someone without clumsily bumping into them. You see, my story of athleticism starts here ~~~~~~~scooby doo waves into flashback~~~~~~~~
I was in elementary school, and was teased because I was SO incredibly skinny (do not have mouthful of liquid when clicking this link, it is my napoleon dynamite shot) I had no muscle mass. No strength. I was unaware of this, because the other kids I played with at home were all younger than me (I was fast at home) and they were all related to me and just as skinny. So in school I thought I was able, and soon realized, I was not. This was a crushing blow. So I became scared to do anything, because I could not succeed.
~~~~flash forward to high school~~~~
In jr. high I grew from 4' 4" tall to 5' tall. When I entered High school in 10th grade I was 5' 4" tall. Then during the summer I moved in with my father and got all that delicious food filled with no nutrition, I grew 5 inches, in three months. it hurt SO bad! I wrapped my knees tight with ace bandages at night so that the growing pains would not wake me up in the night. I would grow out of a pair of pants within 2 weeks. My step mom learned to keep reciepts and returned most of these clothes. The thing is that I barely gained weight. I was at the 80lb mark at 5'9". By the time I graduated high school I was 5' 11 3/4" tall and 98lbs (I told everyone I was over 100lbs though).
So My whole point is that I grew so quickly that I got tendanitis all over my body. My tendons are TIGHT. This makes yoga tough for me, I am not very bendy.... at all. But I am giving myself a pass, I can change this unbendiness with yoga practice. If I am critical of myself because I cannot sit at a 90 degree angle then I will not be able to change this. I am the only one in a class of 23, sitting straight up when everybody is bending over their legs at varrying lengths. But nobody is judging me in class, so why should I? So I will continue even though I think my sweet teacher Anne is trying to kill me with kind words and gentle movements.

Today I need to get everything out of the living room around the woodstove, the chimbley sweeps are coming over to clean out our woodstove and chimbley. So I will have this song stuck in my head all day long.

 

I am stuck, the compliment of the day. I don't want to give up so I will grasp at straws here.
Compliment of the day for Sunday and Monday:
Lavender, you don't want to give up and you have a nice rack.
Um, Thanks Me

Haha! I will tell a story about my rack. You see people I was always terribly skinny and I did not start puberty until I was old enough to drive (never got my license). You see, I was always teased for being flat chested. I wore the baggiest clothes (not hard since that was the style and I was so skinny) I would hold my trapper keeper over my chest while walking from class to class only to have a certain group of boys grab the top and expose my flat chest. I was desperate. My cousin stuffed her bra and it looked like she stuffed, so I did not want to do that. So I prayed, I asked God for boobs. When that failed me, I would wish upon the stars, Starlight starbright, please let me get this wish tonight....
When I was an adult (20) I barely filled in an a cup. I met Mr. Lavender and we started dating then we got very serious. I started taking the birth control pill and POW! There they were! Within a year I was a cup size bigger, then another few years another, then another! I am grateful for my rack. Haha!
Now when I bump into people from high school I think they think I had a boob job, haha!

I have been away from vox for a while now, Barely keeping up with my own posts. The weather has been SO lovely and I don't want to waste it, I have been getting little bits of housework done too. I will catch up soon I hope!

This weekend we saw the movie Choke it was alright, lots of sex (this always embarrasses me to see) and it was kind of sad. Some funny parts, but sad. It was okay... meh.
We also went to the concrete art center for some concrete downspout thingies, and I took pictures of some of the other stuff they had. These photos here are the result. I should give them a card with one of these on the front with a link to my flickr site too. Make some connections.
On Sunday we woke up super late and went for a bike ride through the farm land of Orting. There is a huge paved trail running through the land. 3 hours we were out, I bonked. No energy and we did not pack any food. So we stopped at a bench that was under a tree, shaded half way. It looked out over a christmas tree farm and a hillside filled with trees. In the next few weeks this hillside will look as if it is on fire with the colors of autumn. I sat, drinking my water. Mr. Lavender went into the bushes and picked me two handfulls of blackberries to help with my energy level. He took my hand and cupped it filling it with plump sweet black berries, I ate them, he came back with more, I told him he should eat them, I did not want to be selfish but he said I will pick some more, you take these, you need them. This act of kindness almost made me cry, I am so blessed to have him as my husband.

This concludes my rambles for Monday

I started a new group here on Vox, a place where we all can take on this challenge, the challenge of being kind to ourselves. To Daily or weekly or whenever, tell yourself one compliment every day, week, etc. Somewhere to remind ones self to post something kind about you. It is easy to write a list of twenty negative things, things we are working on, things we are not, it is difficult to say one nice thing to ourselves! The group is open to everyone who wants to face this challenge, or maybe do it on your own in a diary at home, or on the bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. Just Be Kind to yourself!

My Compliment for the day:

I am quite creative, I always have been. I have tried just about every artistic medium out there, Painting (watercolor, acrylic, oil), drawing (pencil, pen, crayon, marker etc), collage, altered art, jewelry, painted clothes, just having fun with clothes, soap, linoleum cut prints, lampwork beads (that was cool because I used a blow torch type item), sewing sort of, etc. seriously the list goes on. None of them seemed to fit, I was decent at them (except for painting, I was too impatient for it). I have always been interestied in photography, always been drawn to photographs at museums and lacked the funds to even own the cheapest of cameras. I was seriously itching to use any camera I could. I loved what I saw theough the view finder.
Then when I was twenty I was working at Kmart, a damaged poloroid camera went in the employee lounge for sale to us at a discounted price. It had a scratch on it, nothing a bunch of butterfly stickers could fix! I bought it. I took SO many photos with that lovely big box. I covered it with stickers. It was beautiful. I should get some film for it now since they are going to stop making film for them at the end of the year. Boo.
I was bit by the photography bug. It would be the Christmas of 2005 when husband bought me a Kodak Easyshare digital camera. I quit my job a few months later and started learning about photography. Then this last March I got Ruby for my birthday.
It was an instant connection. Photography is just a perfect fit for me. It feels so right, where the other stuff I have tried was just fun. Photography seems to heal me from the inside out.
Creativity, I am a creative person.

These are all photos from the wedding I went to last weekend. These were taken in the hotel room where the gals were getting ready. They are such beautiful women these sisters. ;-)

Happy first day of Autumn People! 

sigh.... am feeling so quiet today. Last night too.
not loving my own reflection, what I have to say, who I am. etc. same old "was doing great then fell in a mud puddle."

I can feel sadness holding onto the corners of my mouth,
dragging my smile down.
My whole face feels heavy.
Where did my boot straps go, need to find them so I can pull myself up.

I am at a loss for words today, funny how that can happen.
One day I am at the top of my world, next day the bottom.

I get home and then Sadness sets in.
Smacks me in the face and is upset at me
for ignoring it and going about my life without it.
For looking at the sun instead of my feet,
for seeing beauty in the shadows the sun creates instead of hiding in them.
Sadness is upset with me for not hearing it while I am having fun,
for not engaging in the devastating conversation we always seem to have.
It tells me
"your skin is too red, it makes you ugly"
"your middle is too fat, you are not sexy"
"your teeth are discolored do not smile, people are laughing and disgusted by you"
"nobody wants you around, go hide yourself away until it is time"
"you are strange, nobody understands you"
"you are alone, your friends and family are there out of pity for you"
and I listen and believe every word.
Eat it up like bitter candy, like rotten fruit, like discount seafood.
It always makes me sick.
Then Sadness is delighted and puts it's foot upon my collapsed body
like a proud hunter who killed a giant beast.
I lay there and let it happen,
I let Sadness gloat,
I let Sadness cut out pieces of me for a trophy it wears around it's neck.
Showing all of the other clipped parts from others sadness defeats.
Ventricles from hearts,
strands of hair,
chunks of gray brain. 
With every trophy Sadness collects the stronger it becomes.
The stronger I let it become.
Where are my damn boot straps?

I e-mailed the yoga studio yesterday and it sounds like a lovely place, they are also interested in showing local artists and having art shows as well. Hmmm. This also may be a possibility for me as well. I will wait for a couple shows to see if I fit in or not. Maybe! She is also going to purchase a bike rack for my lovely Red Clementine and hopefully others who choose to ride a bike to class. Next weekend they open. Sounds like a great place, I have high hopes. I almost cry when I think of going to this class, I just know this will be an answer to one or two of my problems. I am open to the change it will bring into my life and I also am open to whatever blessings yoga may bring into my life, even if it is not what I want or expect. My only concern is that is is right next door to :
1. The cupcake bakery
2. my fave pizza joint
3. an antique mall
4. a dive bar
three I will have to work to not spend too much money at and one I will have to walk by with yoga pants on and I hope the leering will be a minimal thing.

My walk yesterday was no less interesting. I walked by Joan's house, snapped a few more shots of those amazing zinnia of hers and handed her a thank you card for the flowers she cut for me. Her daughter was there so she did not speak to me too long, that is okay I was out for a long time and wanted to go home. But that was not the plan, an old co-worker of mine, Pam, was driving by on her way back to work. She stopped and picked me up and was driving me home when she said I needed to see Catherine (another gal I worked with). She has something she needs to tell me. So I told her, just bring me to work with you. She did, I saw Catherine, her head was in one of those scarves, covering a newly shaved head. She has breast cancer. My heart sank in my chest. She is seriously one of the most passionate people I have ever met, she can describe a food dish with so much joy, I swear, Bon Appetite magazine is her pornography. Haha! She showed me her two scars, they hopefully got it all out (lumpectomy) She has just started her chemo treatment and is still strong as an ox. I hope that continues. She is thinking nothing but positive thoughts and I believe she is strong enough to beat this like so many of my brave neighbors here, you know who you are people.

I have been a slack ass about my home cleaning. I swear I can drag my feet better than anyone ever! I get up to do it, and my body gets so heavy and tired. I could lay down and nap after unloading the dishwasher!
When I was a kid, I lived in a house that should have been condemned. CPS should have swooped in and taken us out of there. Mother would tell me "clean the house" and that was my daily chore. But I had been raised with no tools to do this. She never kept the house clean, she never showed me a routine, she never showed me how to do a little at a time, she never showed me, just expected me to do it. When it was not done, each day she would yell and then spank me. I don't think she did this every day, but often enough that it seemed that way. I would look at the house, dirty dishes in the couch cushions, endless clutter, dust, papers, fleas, crust, broken, junk, mold, stinky stuff. I would see it all, lay down and actually sleep. Overwhelmed has always been my monster in the closet, my monkey on my back, my shadow through life. It is really really hard to shake it.

All that said, here is my to do list for the day
1. 15 minutes in kitchen-dishes-counters-floor
2. 15 minutes in dining room-table-chairs-sweep
3. 15 minutes in the living room-vacuum-tables
4. 15 minutes of folding and putting laundry away
5. 15 minutes in the bedroom- sewing machine area
6. 15 minutes in the bathroom-sink-toilet-floor-litterbox
7. walk after these are done okay, so I did it first
8. make sauce for dinner

only an hour and a half

Here are a few black and whites from my trip to Tacoma with the Lovely voxers I mentioned yesterday.
I forgot to do my homework for class damnit!!!!
I was supposed to take portraits in the evening, well, since class is this evening I guess I will not be getting that done. ha! WAIT!!! I have pictures of my brother and sister in law in evening light! I can bring a couple of those! They are not great, but that is okay! PHEW!!!

I think I am going to make another batch of coffee, I am SO sleepy! I went to bed at 8:30 last night, and slept until 6am, and did not want to get up at all.

Enough whining, it could be worse.
Tonight is the last class, and we will be focusing on portraits. It will be very informative I am sure. Our class started with about twenty people and ended with 4. There were 4 of us in class last week. Apparently it is my fault for talking so much (I don't talk that much).

so here is my to do list:
*make bed
*put laundry away (only a little bit)
*match up bunches of socks
*make dinner early
*clean kitchen
*print off photos for class
*shower (I bet you can smell me from there!)


So does anybody else watch that show called Saving Grace? With Holly Hunter, that character is so awesome! I can't believe it is on TV, and not on some channel I have to pay for (I have the cheapest cable package and it is still not very cheap) You can see the episodes online too at TNT.com. It is into it's second season now, I am so hooked! The premise is that God has sent Grace (a Cop in Oklahoma) an Angel to help her trust in God once again, after a childhood of being taken advantage of by a pedophile and losing so many loved ones in the Oklahoma city bombing. She is battered and bruised but still fights. She throws herself into dangerous situations because she feels she deserves this I guess. She is so stubborn and blames God for all that has happened to her, as many people do. It is quite a complex character. The man who plays Earl the angel looks like any old guy who sits at the end of the bar in any town. Really interesting show. I am just rambling here, haha! I am off to start getting the things on my list done now.

shadows
cool
dark
aloof
comforting
reducing objects to simple shapes
flowers fences and people
just a plain flat shape
no complications, easy
shadows are not harmed by being stomped upon
they remain the same ambiguous shape
most visible upon sunshiny days
the yin to the suns yang
balance
the sun is hiding this morning
my shadows are gone
my many forms
I walk along the sidewalk
my own shadows merge
I am the flowers
I am the leaves
I am the fence
I am the pole
I am the sign
I am the person

My hair seems to be getting darker as I get older, but it is sprinkled with grey hairs now. I am okay with that. I don't mind looking my age, my age is not so bad!
My weekend was really nice and relaxing, we got all of our stuff we needed to get done on Saturday so we had Sunday to be lazy. Nice!
I guess I really don't have much to say today.
So I am posting my to do list.
*clean kitchen
*clean dining room
*clean bathroom
*litterboxes
*put more laundry away
*take a walk
*take pictures of the niece for a modeling agency appointment tonight
*start and finish two loads of laundry (this is the week to get all of it done!)