We saw it last night.
It was good, don't get me wrong, just not what I expected. It was one of those kids movies that is not really great for most kids. Not that it was too scary or anything. Just very complex emotions. It was a lot more emotional and melancholy that I had hoped. Here is my take on it.
I think they wanted us to see what it was like inside the head of a child who has ADHD or a mild form of autism. The internal struggle these children face at all times. They know what they are supposed to do and act, but their body is doing something completely different. They have no control at times. I saw a few of the children I cared for at the daycare in Max, and hoped they see the movie. I hoped the parents saw the movie and saw their child in Max as well.
It was a very sad and moody movie. I was on the brink of tears near the end, then a father had to remove his little girl from the theater because she started sobbing so hard she could hardly catch her breath. I lost it then. I felt so bad for the little girl. It was one of those moments like in Bambi, when it is just so sad. The movie was quite heavy.
I think parents should view this before letting a child view it. Some kids may not be able to handle it. Others may feel a connection with Max and be so grateful to have their own struggles up there on the screen, let them know there is nothing wrong with them, they are just not your everyday average kid, and they are not the only ones.
Visually the movie was absolutely stunning, SO beautiful. The sculptures looked like something Andrew Goldsworthy created, the colors are muted and lovely, the monsters look incredible! But it was a very emotionally driven movie. It left me with a different melancholy feeling than I had when I walked in.
I wanted to love the film so much.
Dear Universe,
I know I am in the right place. I want to feel like I am in the right place. I want to feel a sense of calm in where I stand. I want to feel strong and stable. I keep trying to control what only you are able to control leaving me feeling anxious and fearful. I want some mortar to go with my stones. Something solid I can lean on. Something I know will not go away. As I typed that I saw my lovely husband in my mind, I am ever so thankful you brought him into my life. Is he the mortar? Am I his? Am I qualified to be? It has been so gray all morning and just now there is a bit of sunshine lighting up my back yard. Are you telling me to get out there? Showing me what I need to trust? Sunshine, nature, beauty, you, husband, autumn, my legs, my eye, myself?
So many questions and it seems there are simple answers, can it really be that simple? Just get up and go? Where can I find the energy? Motivation? something to silence the self doubt that is always whispering in my ears? Just ignore it you say? Consider the source?
My doorbell just rang, it was UPS delivering free pillows that came with our mattress. Is it a message from you? Sleep? Dreams? are my answers there or is it just pillows?
I have made a wish list for you, do you work like that? Like Santa Clause? Can I ask things of you and get things in return?
Things I feel I need:
1. calm
2. motivation (it is already there)
3. energy to do
4. organization
5. peace
I know these things cannot happen overnight, I have to initiate them. I need to be an active participant in my life. Is it like Dorothy's ruby slippers? I have had them all along?
Things I want for myself:
1. exercise, a better shaped body. Not for looks, It is more for my Husband (still not for looks). He feels SO good out in nature, out in the woods. I want to give him longer hikes, longer bike rides, longer walks. Nothing superficial. I want to be ale to walk miles into the woods, up long hills without getting winded so quickly. I want this for me too. Nature heals a part of me that I never knew was hurt until I am there surrounded by trees taller than skyscrapers and green so bright you would swear it was electric.
2. For my mind to be able to focus on one thing at a time instead of a swirling mess of thoughts, dreams, fears, doubt, lists, demands, goals, hurdles.. it leaves me feeling quite overwhelmed.
3. Confidence. Will that just come to me?
Things you give me that do not go unnoticed:
1. Husband- the way you bought us together was magical. It made me believe in absolute true love. Thank You.
2. Trees, leaves, mushrooms, mountains, streams, waterfalls, deserts, colors, cloud shapes, raindrops, the smell of nature, oceans... there really is so much, Thank You
3. smiles from strangers, Thank You
4. laughter, Thank You
5. I have enough (monetarily, to ask for more would be selfish) Thank you, this gives me security in a place I never felt as a kid or young adult. I have enough to pay bills, eat. These were things I stressed out about my whole life. Thank You for this bit of security.
6. my creative eye, Thank you, I don't know what I would do without it. It really does make the world a magical place.
7. the ability to forgive the past, and to have learned so much from it too. Thank you.
8. all the subtle messages -Thank You
9. my life, Thank You
Dearest Universe, can you hear me? Are you real? Am I just rambling to myself? The sun is still shining, I will take this as an answer. I will put my polka dot rubber boots on and strap my camera around my neck. Will I find my answers out there?
With Love,
Lavender
I know I am in the right place. I want to feel like I am in the right place. I want to feel a sense of calm in where I stand. I want to feel strong and stable. I keep trying to control what only you are able to control leaving me feeling anxious and fearful. I want some mortar to go with my stones. Something solid I can lean on. Something I know will not go away. As I typed that I saw my lovely husband in my mind, I am ever so thankful you brought him into my life. Is he the mortar? Am I his? Am I qualified to be? It has been so gray all morning and just now there is a bit of sunshine lighting up my back yard. Are you telling me to get out there? Showing me what I need to trust? Sunshine, nature, beauty, you, husband, autumn, my legs, my eye, myself?
So many questions and it seems there are simple answers, can it really be that simple? Just get up and go? Where can I find the energy? Motivation? something to silence the self doubt that is always whispering in my ears? Just ignore it you say? Consider the source?
My doorbell just rang, it was UPS delivering free pillows that came with our mattress. Is it a message from you? Sleep? Dreams? are my answers there or is it just pillows?
I have made a wish list for you, do you work like that? Like Santa Clause? Can I ask things of you and get things in return?
Things I feel I need:
1. calm
2. motivation (it is already there)
3. energy to do
4. organization
5. peace
I know these things cannot happen overnight, I have to initiate them. I need to be an active participant in my life. Is it like Dorothy's ruby slippers? I have had them all along?
Things I want for myself:
1. exercise, a better shaped body. Not for looks, It is more for my Husband (still not for looks). He feels SO good out in nature, out in the woods. I want to give him longer hikes, longer bike rides, longer walks. Nothing superficial. I want to be ale to walk miles into the woods, up long hills without getting winded so quickly. I want this for me too. Nature heals a part of me that I never knew was hurt until I am there surrounded by trees taller than skyscrapers and green so bright you would swear it was electric.
2. For my mind to be able to focus on one thing at a time instead of a swirling mess of thoughts, dreams, fears, doubt, lists, demands, goals, hurdles.. it leaves me feeling quite overwhelmed.
3. Confidence. Will that just come to me?
Things you give me that do not go unnoticed:
1. Husband- the way you bought us together was magical. It made me believe in absolute true love. Thank You.
2. Trees, leaves, mushrooms, mountains, streams, waterfalls, deserts, colors, cloud shapes, raindrops, the smell of nature, oceans... there really is so much, Thank You
3. smiles from strangers, Thank You
4. laughter, Thank You
5. I have enough (monetarily, to ask for more would be selfish) Thank you, this gives me security in a place I never felt as a kid or young adult. I have enough to pay bills, eat. These were things I stressed out about my whole life. Thank You for this bit of security.
6. my creative eye, Thank you, I don't know what I would do without it. It really does make the world a magical place.
7. the ability to forgive the past, and to have learned so much from it too. Thank you.
8. all the subtle messages -Thank You
9. my life, Thank You
Dearest Universe, can you hear me? Are you real? Am I just rambling to myself? The sun is still shining, I will take this as an answer. I will put my polka dot rubber boots on and strap my camera around my neck. Will I find my answers out there?
With Love,
Lavender
But today, today
"Today is a brand new day, I don't have to take the sorrows of yesterday with me today, I can leave them in yesterday"
I have so much stuff to do because I have not done anything for a couple weeks now. I have decided to get it done little by little, get done what I can. Get the smaller things out of the way first. Brush the metaphorical dust off my pants and get up.
Things I hope to get done today:
2. send pictures to friend
3. edit 80's redux and evening glam sections of the vogue fashion show I shot on Friday
5. pay keith for building the most beautiful cedar fence around our yard and a large arbor for our giant wisteria plant
6. shower
8. make bed
10. make grocery list
11. all dirty laundry in laundry room
Today is a new day, A fresh start.
(edit- Fixed the link to the picture)
My Dear Sweet Mr. Bones was put to sleep yesterday. He has been getting worse for months. We never thought he would make it this far, heck we never thought he would make it past the first week we had him. He had stopped eating, he began to lose an insane amount of weight. He could not walk well anymore. It was time. I was hoping he would make the choice and I would not have to, but being the incredibly stubborn old man that he was, he just would not give up. It is nice to see this picture of him, when he was fat and his fur was clean and brushed. At his largest he was nearly 14lbs, when we brought him to the vets office yesterday he was a little over 4lbs. How that Kitteh was still walking around the house is beyond me. He was so strong.
He was my couch buddy, for the last 2 years I have not been able to stretch out fully on my couch because I shared it with Mr. Bones, he had half and I had the other, or we would share and he would lay on my leg. Now my couch seems so huge, more than I need.
When I first met Mr. Bones he was a stray cat in our neighborhood, he would come eat some of the food we would leave on our back porch for him and Twilight (goodness I miss her too). Twilight made it inside the house and Mr. Bones stopped showing up. For two years we had Twilight and I wanted to catch Mr. Bones, but he would not allow that. He was a man about town, he did not want to be tied down. I would see less and less of him over the next couple years. One day, after Twilight passed I needed to go out on my newly discovered photowalk. I needed to find beauty and not look at where my sweet kitty would be, see her toys, miss her purrs. As with most of my photowalks, I don't really have a destination, I just go wherever my heart and eyes lead me. That day it lead me to the place where Mr. Bones was dying. He laid in someones garden near the sidewalk. I thought he was already dead. I took a close look and saw his chest move as he breathed (he looked like he did the last few months). I touched him, and he mewed. I kept telling him if he stood up I would bring him home. He struggled, I was there for ten minutes when he stood on shaky legs. I scooped his flea filled body up and brought him home.
He would NOT stay under cover (it was a rainy spring) so I took bits of things around and made him what we called the Bones Shanty. Tarps and blankets, boxes and a table leaf left by the people who lived here before. He Loved his shanty. I gave him several bowls of food that first day, he gobbled them all down. I filled his water so many times that I kept a gallon of water out there near his shanty. My Dad came over and my SIL dropped by, the opinion was the same. He would not make it through the night or the week. I thought so too, but I did not want him to die alone and unloved. We all deserve that.
Week after week went by and he got stronger and stronger. We lured him to the covered patio where we moved his shanty. He was safer there. We brought him to the vet to get tested for aids and leukemia, we did not want him to pass it to Helios. He was free and clear. The Vet told us he was badly abused, his teeth had been kicked in and his bones had been broken and badly fused. This broke my heart. The vet also told us he was deaf. I talked to him all the time, ha! He seemed to listen, or so I thought. I guess the sweet boy was listening to my heart. We took him home and gave him his first bath. He was NOT in love with us then. He had fleas so bad, they were literally killing him. The bathwater looked rusty, it was so thick with dried blood that you could not see the drain in the 5 inches of water. I brushed his fur and cut out the mats. He looked so handsome. We started bringing him inside for little bits of time but he wanted back outside after a while. When Mr. L went outside one day to feed him he noticed a lump on his shoulder that had not been there before. We brought him to the vet and the vet told us it was an abscess. Mr. Bones had to stay overnight to get it fixed. We picked him up the next day and he had a piece of rubber tube coming through his flesh letting the infection drain. We had ear drops for his infected ears and antibiotics for the wound. Mr. L cleaned the wound every morning and every evening. We also bought him a dog igloo to keep him warm at night, he could not sleep indoors because he liked to use that time to pee all over the house, and he also meowed so loud that we would get no sleep. We named the igloo the Bonesloo. He Loved it!
He healed up quickly and he spent more time indoors and only the nights in the garage. He had a hard time jumping, in fact he could not jump at all. His hips were all messed up. So we would pick him up when he wanted up on the couch which was all the time. ;-) He even got to the point where he and Luna (just a kitten) would chase each other through the house. He would do this adorable kind of hopping galloping type of run, he sounded like a little horse running through the house. It made me so happy to see him this active and playful. Luna was also so happy to have a friend to play with since Helios is evil and wants to kill.
We had 2 and a half years with him. All summer he started to decline. The week we had where the temps were into the 100's almost killed him. But he survived. He survived living on the streets for years, he survived starvation, fleas, cat fights, dog fights, raccoon fights, people fights, cars, kids, abscess, infections, Luna, Me (I love to cuddle), Helios... He survived it all.
He is now free from his broken body, his spirit was always so much bigger than that. He was sweet and gentle and loving and beautiful. I never once heard him growl or hiss. He is now a part of everything good, every smile every sunshine ray, everything beautiful, he is a part of it.
I will Always miss him.
He was my couch buddy, for the last 2 years I have not been able to stretch out fully on my couch because I shared it with Mr. Bones, he had half and I had the other, or we would share and he would lay on my leg. Now my couch seems so huge, more than I need.
When I first met Mr. Bones he was a stray cat in our neighborhood, he would come eat some of the food we would leave on our back porch for him and Twilight (goodness I miss her too). Twilight made it inside the house and Mr. Bones stopped showing up. For two years we had Twilight and I wanted to catch Mr. Bones, but he would not allow that. He was a man about town, he did not want to be tied down. I would see less and less of him over the next couple years. One day, after Twilight passed I needed to go out on my newly discovered photowalk. I needed to find beauty and not look at where my sweet kitty would be, see her toys, miss her purrs. As with most of my photowalks, I don't really have a destination, I just go wherever my heart and eyes lead me. That day it lead me to the place where Mr. Bones was dying. He laid in someones garden near the sidewalk. I thought he was already dead. I took a close look and saw his chest move as he breathed (he looked like he did the last few months). I touched him, and he mewed. I kept telling him if he stood up I would bring him home. He struggled, I was there for ten minutes when he stood on shaky legs. I scooped his flea filled body up and brought him home.
He would NOT stay under cover (it was a rainy spring) so I took bits of things around and made him what we called the Bones Shanty. Tarps and blankets, boxes and a table leaf left by the people who lived here before. He Loved his shanty. I gave him several bowls of food that first day, he gobbled them all down. I filled his water so many times that I kept a gallon of water out there near his shanty. My Dad came over and my SIL dropped by, the opinion was the same. He would not make it through the night or the week. I thought so too, but I did not want him to die alone and unloved. We all deserve that.
Week after week went by and he got stronger and stronger. We lured him to the covered patio where we moved his shanty. He was safer there. We brought him to the vet to get tested for aids and leukemia, we did not want him to pass it to Helios. He was free and clear. The Vet told us he was badly abused, his teeth had been kicked in and his bones had been broken and badly fused. This broke my heart. The vet also told us he was deaf. I talked to him all the time, ha! He seemed to listen, or so I thought. I guess the sweet boy was listening to my heart. We took him home and gave him his first bath. He was NOT in love with us then. He had fleas so bad, they were literally killing him. The bathwater looked rusty, it was so thick with dried blood that you could not see the drain in the 5 inches of water. I brushed his fur and cut out the mats. He looked so handsome. We started bringing him inside for little bits of time but he wanted back outside after a while. When Mr. L went outside one day to feed him he noticed a lump on his shoulder that had not been there before. We brought him to the vet and the vet told us it was an abscess. Mr. Bones had to stay overnight to get it fixed. We picked him up the next day and he had a piece of rubber tube coming through his flesh letting the infection drain. We had ear drops for his infected ears and antibiotics for the wound. Mr. L cleaned the wound every morning and every evening. We also bought him a dog igloo to keep him warm at night, he could not sleep indoors because he liked to use that time to pee all over the house, and he also meowed so loud that we would get no sleep. We named the igloo the Bonesloo. He Loved it!
He healed up quickly and he spent more time indoors and only the nights in the garage. He had a hard time jumping, in fact he could not jump at all. His hips were all messed up. So we would pick him up when he wanted up on the couch which was all the time. ;-) He even got to the point where he and Luna (just a kitten) would chase each other through the house. He would do this adorable kind of hopping galloping type of run, he sounded like a little horse running through the house. It made me so happy to see him this active and playful. Luna was also so happy to have a friend to play with since Helios is evil and wants to kill.
We had 2 and a half years with him. All summer he started to decline. The week we had where the temps were into the 100's almost killed him. But he survived. He survived living on the streets for years, he survived starvation, fleas, cat fights, dog fights, raccoon fights, people fights, cars, kids, abscess, infections, Luna, Me (I love to cuddle), Helios... He survived it all.
He is now free from his broken body, his spirit was always so much bigger than that. He was sweet and gentle and loving and beautiful. I never once heard him growl or hiss. He is now a part of everything good, every smile every sunshine ray, everything beautiful, he is a part of it.
I will Always miss him.
